Sunday, November 25, 2012

OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF REJECTION

            Okay, am sorry if I kept you waiting. This topic wil be quite lengthy and you might want to take notes, so i suggest you have your jotter handy.  
What we will disuss today is something quite familiar to all of us. Something that stands in the way of our success with women.
           Ah, the concept that is near and dear to all of
us men who have started on the path to success
with women and dating...

FEAR.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of embarrassment.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of what a woman might do if we start
talking to her.

Fear of what other guys would think if they
knew that we needed help with women.

Fear of what WOMEN would think if they knew
that we needed help with women.

Fear of admitting that we're AFRAID.
...and about 100 others.
But, what exactly IS fear?
And why is it such a problem?
And what can be done to overcome it?

Onward...
Well, let's start with what fear is, then we'll
move on to some techniques to get past it.
I once heard a great definition of FEAR:
False Evidence Appearing Real
In other words, the things that you feel fear
about are usually not real. It's usually just
"false evidence".
You also might think back about the last 10
things you felt fear around. Now, ask yourself...
Did any of those things come true?
In most of the cases, you'll find that the fear
did NOT come true.
I heard once that something like 98% of the
things that people fear and worry about never come
true.
I've found this to be true in my own life as
well.
Fear is an emotion, or an emotional state. It's
an amazing and wonderful emotion... because it can
help save your life in certain situations.
A hundred thousand years ago, when we were
running around in the desert, we needed powerful,
motivating emotions like FEAR to save our lives.
When you feel fear (especially if it's a
response to real physical danger) you'll notice
that some AMAZING things happen. Your eyes open up
wider so you can see better, adrenaline pumps into
your body, your heart beats fast to deliver blood
to your muscles, and all kinds of other wondrous
processes are triggered.
The PROBLEM is when we experience fear at times
when there IS NO real physical danger.
We humans are amazing. We can just IMAGINE
things and feel fear in response to the mental
images.
And I'm sure you know exactly what the problem
is with this... it can IMMOBILIZE you at critical
times.
Have you ever seen a woman that you'd like to
meet, but you just couldn't walk over and start
talking to her?
yes, it's happened to me,too.
What was the problem?
Usually, it's fear.
Fear that she'll get upset, or fear that she'll
have a boyfriend... or fear that she'll embarrass
you in front of others... or fear that you won't
know what to say to her...
And, of course, when you feel that strong fear
emotion, it just FREEZES you and makes you totally
ineffective.
So, what's the solution?
Well, there are several ways to overcome fears.
One way is to do the thing you fear. If you do
the thing that you fear, and see that nothing bad
will happen, then you eventually overcome it and
become programmed not to feel fear anymore.
For instance, if you're afraid to approach
women and talk to them, just DO IT. Go talk to 50
women in the next week and see that most of them
will respond positively to you (if you don't act
like a dumb-ass, that is).
Other ways to overcome your fear when it comes
to approaching women include:
- Understanding the dynamics of male/female
interactions better than most women do.
- Learning how to approach women using the same
types of words and body language that the masters
use.
- Learning how to use props or other devices to
get a woman's attention without having to
"approach" her directly.
- Learning mental techniques to overcome fears or
"reset" your emotions instantly, anytime you'd
like (this is one of my personal favorites).
- Using mental preparation to be completely ready
for anything that might happen.
...and there are several others.
I have spent a lot of time in my own personal
life learning about and figuring out how to get
past fears and other psychological obstacles with
women.
I learned most of my best ideas about how to
meet women from guys who were successful with
women, and I found that they all did basically the
SAME things... even though they didn't "realize"
that they were doing anything at all, for the most
part.

   Meeting and hanging out with "naturals" is one
of the very best things you can do to learn how to
be more successful with women (the other is to
study the materials that I've put together at the
same time, so you can have the advantage of having
it all explained to you).

   Now, about approaching women in open places or "a pub."
   I think the issue that you're PROBABLY dealing
with is REJECTION.

   You're probably afraid to go start a
conversation because you don't want to be rejected
by women.

   Once you can face this reality and start to
deal with it, then you'll start making more
progress.

   My experience starting conversations with
groups of more than one woman in bars is that your
ENERGY makes a huge impact.

   In other words, if you walk over and act
nervous and stilted, the women will get nervous
and act cold.

   If you act like you're having a good time,.... you
think they look like some fun people to talk to,
and you start on that note, they'll be FAR more
likely to be friendly and open.

   Now, I know a lot of guys who are GREAT at
meeting women in bars. Some of them use rather
interesting and complex techniques that range from
"pick up lines" all the way to magic and psychic
readings.

   Try this:
   Pick up your drink, walk over to the table,
think of the funniest moment of your life so you
have a smile on your face and say, "What, are you
girls shy or something?"

   When they say, "NO, why?"
   Answer, "Because I've been sitting at the next
table for at least a half hour and you haven't
come over to say hi to me!"

   I have about 3 different friends who all use
variations of this opening... and it works great
(if you're having fun when you say it).

   You need to get over your FEAR. Once you stop
caring what women think of you, then you'll make a
LOT more progress.
Too many guys have this ideal or fantasy in
their minds of "being equals" with a woman, etc.

   Ain't gonna happen.
   Attractive women aren't interested in an EQUAL.
   They're NEVER attracted to guys who are EQUALS.
   Attractive women want a guy who is a LEADER.
One who takes charge, keeps them on their toes, is
unpredictable, Cocky & Funny, etc.
I have a little secret that I'm going to share
with you. But lean in close, so I can whisper. I
don't want anyone else to hear...

   I actually have guy friends who are REALLY good
with women who take women to dinner, buy them
drinks, etc. when they first meet.

   What!, you say?
   How can this be?
   Well, the big difference is that these guys are
NOT doing this stuff to GET THE WOMAN'S APPROVAL.

   And since EVERYTHING ELSE they're doing clearly
communicates the RIGHT things, they can actually
do whatever they want, and still not screw things
up.

   In other words, if you don't understand how
ATTRACTION works, and you don't know how to
communicate with women in a way that makes them
feel it for YOU, then buying drinks and dinner,
and giving compliments, and all the other things
most guys do will only BACKFIRE.

   On the other hand, once you totally understand
how and why women feel ATTRACTION, you can do
whatever you want.

   And later on, when you find a girl that you
really like and you're enjoying a relationship, of
course it's nice to do nice things for her.

   Just remember, be very careful.
   It's easy to be lured back to the dark side...
and to try to get women to like you by paying for
things and taking them places... which it will
never do.
 When it comes to women and ATTRACTION the
normal rules don't apply anymore. This area of
life is VERY DIFFERENT from other areas, and when
you try to apply ideas and techniques from other
areas (like conversation skills), you'll find that
they often don't work AT ALL.

   You can walk into a room full of 100 people,
and start walking around meeting them.

   For 99 of them, walking over and saying, "Hi,
how do you know everyone here?" and "So, what do
you do?" will work just fine.

   But when you find that ONE attractive woman in
the room that you'd like to meet, and you want to
start an interaction that leads to ATTRACTION, you
must do something TOTALLY different.

   It's more than the words you say... it's a
total understanding of what that woman is looking
for on a deep, primal, subconscious level... and
then to BE that man.
A woman will sometimes make
plans with a guy just to avoid saying "no" in the
moment.

   But later, she'll flake or cancel because
"something came up"... when she never intended to
show up in the first place.

   If women are flaking out on you a lot, it's
probably something that YOU'RE doing up front.

   In any case, try this:
   Next time you're talking to a woman on the
phone and making plans to get together
say, "Let me ask you a quick question. Do you ever
flake out on things?"

   She'll say, "Not usually" (or some other non-
committal thing, most likely).

   Say, "Good, because it's one of those things
that I really can't deal with... people that can't
keep their word...and there are a lot of flaky
people in this world."

   That might help.
   And if she DOES flake at the last minute, don't
accept it.

   If she calls and says, "Oh, something came
up..." just answer back, "You know, I was just
starting to think you were DIFFERENT from all the
flaky women I've met"...

   Make it clear to women that it is NOT OK to
waste your time and they'll waste it less.

   But, if you act nice and sweet and
accommodating... and you transmit the message that
it's OK to flake because you're a nice guy and
won't care, then it will happen to you all the
time.
 There are two KEY aspects of learning how to be
successful with women and dating:

1) The Inner Game
2) The Outer Game
   The INNER GAME is all about learning how to
THINK and how to manage your thoughts and
emotions. It's also about understanding how and
why attractive women feel that amazing emotion
called ATTRACTION for some men and not for MOST
men.

   The OUTER GAME is all of the techniques, what
to say and such.

   Which is more important?
   Well, they're BOTH important.
   But what I notice is that most guys want to
learn the OUTER GAME first.

   In other words, they want the pick up lines,
the fancy tricks, and other things.

   I can remember when I first started learning
this stuff.



   I had this idea in my mind that if I could
learn how to get women to give me their numbers
that I'd be the MAN.

   Well, I learned that. I can get just about any
woman's phone number in just a few minutes.

   But guess what?
   Once I learned how to get women's phone
numbers, I ran into a much BIGGER issue... the
women usually flaked out on me, didn't show up,
etc.

   And the ones that DID show up were difficult.
   Nothing happened.
   I realized that there had to be more.
   And, as it turns out, there is A LOT more, infact.
   The REASON that the "Inner Game" is so
important is that attractive women don't judge you
on your "pick up lines".

   And just because a woman gives you her phone
number or email address DOES NOT mean that she
FEELS anything inside (like ATTRACTION).

   Women don't DECIDE to feel ATTRACTION for a
man.

   ATTRACTION is something that happens on its
own, for its own reasons.

   Attraction Isn't A Choice!
   The way to cause women to feel ATTRACTION for
you is to UNDERSTAND how and why it works, and
then communicate in a way that makes it happen.
So quit stalking that poor girl, quit procrastinating approaching
her till a tomorrow that we both know will never come. 
make up your mind and make a move today. 
tomorrow we will talk on building the "inner game".

follow me on twitter @chrisxleonhart
facebook  :              chrisking leonhart
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          LEONHART      




6 comments:

  1. Nice one Bro!!..ChEers!!!..This topic Remindss me of Mya!!.."Winksl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mya....you mean the married one?
      am sure you've counted your loses there player.
      Men are like a light switch...we turn on and off just like that.
      women on the other hand are like the volume rocker or channel tuner
      on the old boom box. you have to tune them gently back and forth till you
      get the right frequency. a problem we all had in senior high am sure.

      Delete
  2. I like dis,well done my dear.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Right on the spot. hitting the nail on the head....
    Constant exposure to the object of fear immunizes on against it. how true cklh

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fear is ruthless. If u ask me a thousand times, I will deal with it ruthlessly. This tip from leon is also effective to most things u might wanna do. The trick here is to first understand how it works.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah..finally, †ђξ flaming mind. Perhaps you'd give us an exposee on †ђξ "fear factor" on Philosophical reflections...for those interested pls visit www.st-princex.blogspot.com you'll be ђǎppƔ you did.
      For those who want to receive email notifications on my posts or comments on this blog. Please click subscribe by email at †ђe bottom of this page and choose your email provider in †ђξ drop down list

      Delete